The skinny bitch down the hall from my room has filed a formal complaint against me. She's told the staff and anyone else who will listen that I tried to kill her!
I do regret what took place but I assure you, had I wanted her dead, I would not have botched the job. She sustained minimal damage. A small lump upon her head. If she had returned my laptop as I asked, nothing would have occured. She refused to give it back when I went in to retrieve it. Can you imagine? We argued. I attempted to pull the laptop from her gnarled grasp and she would not release it! So I hit her over the head with my handbag. It's as simple as that.
In any case, I have regained possession of my computer. And I'll not be loaning it out again.
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35 comments:
Tramp!
My son will be making a visit to you on Sunday when he comes to bring my fresh underpinnings. You will be sorry. Hershel will defend his Mother. Count on it.
I am insisting he move me from this facility. The thought that I must share space with the likes of you, gives me the indigestions.
And I saw all that pornograhpy you have on that internet talk box.
Filthy whore.
You should have smacked her twice just....er...uh...just because.
I don't doubt Hershel will do your bidding, given he has not yet broken from the titty.
Well, don't forget to take your dentures with you, you prune faced prude!
Manny, how nice of you to stop by, dear.
I'm afraid you've arrived at a rather ugly moment.
But then, any moment with Ethel is. She's never been particularly attractive, poor thing.
Even though I'm older than dirt, got droopy tits and am blind as a BAT, even I can SEE that this shithole is much more fun now that granny moved in.
I wanna be an apprentice hole too.
Can you teach me?
GGG,
I'm blind as a bat and can't SEE worth a shit, but Rodney helped set this thing up for me.
He tried to collect his service fee, but apparently I have more sand in my pants than the Sahara desert.
Kim dear, I'm surprised to see you. I should think you would be far too busy fornicating. I'm afraid we haven't much to offer by way of penile gratification.
Iris, you saltly old dog! No one told me you were here! What floor are you on?
I'll be slipping out this evening if you'd care to come along. It's quite a lovely time!
If anyone wants to know they're serving macaroni and cheese for lunch today.
Mildred, do stop following me about. It's rude.
Macaroni and cheese? I thought I smelled fish when I walked by your room, Milly.
Mildred's room mate, Gert, refuses to wash her privates with soap. She says it dries her out. Why the old sod believes she might require moisture in that arena is beyond my reasoning abilities.
That was your dentures Iris.
Hershel came to visit this weekend with all of my fresh underpinnings and he has a meeting this week with Mr. Hinkleshire. You windbag sluts will be getting a visit.
Just you wait and see.
Ethel, I couldn't help but notice that your boy Hershal has inherted your underbite. Poor dear. I suppose it's just as well he has no interest in women, other than his mother.
Ethel, your mother wears army boots!
Mildred! For pity sakes. Don't help me!
Ethel,
My no goodnick son Peter who put me in this shithole, who hasn't called me in two years, phoned me today and cried a river of tears over the fact that his "life partner" Jamal left him for a some shmeale named Juan Carla, an emaciated Mexican man-boy with direct lineage from Aztec warlords somewhere near what is now known as Cancun on the Ischmerian Penisula.
Since you are hell bent and determined to get me and the desert in my shorts tossed out ontho the street like a common doxy, this will force Peter back into town to meet with Mr. Hinkleshire.
You better keep Hershal away from poor Peter, or we may wind up inlawed. Or in your case I should say outlawed.
Granny Mae, you silly nincompoop, I live next door, don't you remember SEEing me when that witch Hazel Rottenbotch showed up to give me another enema? That Nurse is a sadist.
Lansakes. If I have to keep reminding you where I live, I'm going to develop a case of the vapors.
Looks like she is in need of another good smacking granny.
Iris, you don't have to take that crap.
You both want me to send my good ol' nephew over?
My nephew like's older women.
Iris, you are having another of your epidodes. Take your meds.
Fat Mary and LB are in the room next to mine.
Ask someone what floor you are on so I can find you.
Manny, I am no longer permitted to venture that end of the floor thanks to Ethel and her hysterics.
My gay son Peter who never calls or comes to visit, well at least he gives me his cast off whatever these things are.
Who am I again? Where are my glasses?
I smell fish. And I checked my diaper, it's not me.
How did you poor old bats wind up with roommates. I don't think I have one. There's a lump on the bed next to me but it doesn't make any noise or smell bad.
Help!
Iris, have you been wandering by yourself again, without your guide dog?
Mildred, if you're peeking from the computer in the library again, ask one of the nurses what room Iris is supposed to be in.
Oh dear. Iris don't go anywhere. I'll fetch someone to find you.
Maybelle, you didn't ask me, of course. But Iris is at the end of the hall from me. I'll look around for her and get back to you.
Check the broom clost, Henry. They find her in there all the time.
Which of you hags are knocking on my door and running away??
Do you have any idea how hard it is on my old knees to get up and answer that door?
And it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all to find those tampons in my macaroni and cheese at lunch today. Hershel said for me to keep them and he will turn them in next week on his visit.
Manny, sweets. Do yourself a favor and protect your nephew from the likes of these horrid old battle axes.
Does the entire home know about my internet diary?
Mildred, what have you done? Have I no right to privacy?
LB is a trampy curmudeon that secretly is in love with Big George Bush. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, she made me swear.
Ethel, what are you going on about now? Not likely any of the women here would have need for tampons! Unless they're using them for nose plugs when they pass your room, you old bitch.
Do not call me a bitch.
You whore.
Arthur in room 18 said that he felt your teats night before last. He was harkened back to his childhood days of milking goats on the farm.
Granny Goat Teats.
I had a guide dog? I thought that thing was a harry midget
Ethel, has no one told you? Arthur died in May. If you insist upon inventing stories to sully my reputation, use living people, for lands sake!
Unless you'll be telling us now that the staff has been keeping Arthur's corpse for good luck. Bitch.
Iris, what ever have you done with your dog?
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