Reprehensible!
I am unsettled to say the least. All my prayers for the demise of Tilly the bed shitter have obviously earned me ill-favor in the eyes of the Lord. I most heartily believe, the punishment he has chosen to meat out, far out-weighs the crime! A six-fingered gypsy has nestled her gnarled ass-cheeks in the bed next to mine.
The woman was sent straight from the fire pits of hell! She is a most homely beast and rarely does she speak anything that makes sense! Just when I thought the situation could not be worse she unpacked the most hideous assortment of belongings viewed by the human eye, since Ethel was caught walking in her sleep naked down the 12th floor hallway.
The crone possesses shrunken heads in jars! A variety of hair clippings, bags of toenails, and a garlic necklace that she keeps hanging over her bed.
How much must I endure? I have requested a new room. Thanks to Ethel's incessant tattling, Mr. Hinkleshire has flat refused to co-operate saying I have a beligerant nature and do not play well with others? Is this a playground then?
This can not stand. I will not abide sharing my room with a six-fingered, gypsy witch! It is intolerable. The woman reeks of body odor and garlic. I simply won't have it. Action will be taken, mark my word!
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Oh lord. I may be older than dirt, with droopy and am blind as a bat, but even I SEE this is not good.
Go talk to the Dago woman with the hairy lip. Maybe she can curse the gypsy. Personally, I think she had something to do with the death of Tilly the Shitter.
We have 12 floors here??
It's good to know Mr. Hinkelshire listens when I call his sweet Allegra.
SHRUNKEN HEADS??
Oh dear.
Oh my.
Oh me.
Oh SHIT..where IS my rosary???
I can't seem to remember my password for this internet talk box.
Curses.
I thought it was bingo, but that did not work.
Ruby Dean, I can't see shit eitehr but I'm not dumb enough to use that as my password, you silly goat.
So did we determine if the gypsy was a Negress? She might be related to the one that gave Fat Mary the tetnus with her long toenails. Remember that? That was quite a sight to SEE. I find it more than a strange coincidece that her hand seems to be that of a colored person AND she collects TOE NAILS and we had that Negress, LaTwanda, with her toenails, give Fat Mary the tetnus.
For the last time, she is not a colored woman, Iris!
She's mumbling to herself again. Something about a wagon and the tail end of a horse.
Ruby, kiss my drooping, wrinkled, buttocks! Tilly was a boil in the armpit of humanity.
Oh my. She is piercing a straw doll with pins now! This can not be a good thing.
Well she looks colored to me but I guess you would know better.
Where the fuck is my dog. Here Dubbin Dubbin Dubbin!
Have you touched her finger yet?
Iris, you said f*u*c*k??????
Rosary, where is my rosary??
LB, Big George Bush?
He called me.
He said to leave him alone and stop screaming his name in the night.
Do you do that?
Is that doll wearing rosary beads by any chance Maybelle?
Ethel, I just want you to know, I know you took my rosary. I saw it laying there on your bed table, right next to Henry's. You are a, a cleptomaniac! That's what!
She's been yammering nonsense all evening long. Three hours since lights out and still she continues on with her nonsensical chanting. I must convince Rodney to start leaving the back door unlocked again so I might get out of here and make some money.
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, FINGERS, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE OR I WILL SHUT IT FOR YOU!
crazy old bitch.
Dear Ethel,
Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Love,
Iris
Rise and shine and give God the glory glory
Rise and shine and (clap!) give God the glory glory
Children of the Lord!
The Lord said to Noah there’s gonna be a floody floody
Lord said to Noah there’s gonna be a floody floody
Get those animals (clap!) our of the muddy muddy
Children of the Lord
It's green jello day!!
Ruby, what are you people making today?
If it's windchimes, I may come down for that. I think I can make myself a rosary windchime.
Will there be any Elmer's glue? Don't tell LB if there is, she eats that stuff like it's fudge.
Now, LB, that picture of yours is just twisted.
I am going to steal ethel's rosary for the purpose of praying for your addle-minded soul.
That goddamn beast of Iris', Dobbin Dobbin Dobbin, just crapped my rosary out. Right in the hall in front of Henry's room.
Iris, you did this, didn't you? Coated it with peanut butter and fed it to that mut.
He ran whimpering down the hall, limping with his tail between his legs. I hope that rosary blessed his innards.
Does anyone have any extra cetaphil?
Good boy, dubbin! Good boy!
Does the Negress Gypsy's doll look like Ethel? Dubbin stole her hairbrush... tell LaTwanda the Negres gypsy that I have ethels hair.
I just wanted to update you all about my son Peter's activities.
I got a note here on the magic box as to what his new project is.
Ethels son hershal is going to be joining the production he tells me.
Go look at this: http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/
taking notes.....
Here Dubbin, bring the Negress Gypsy these hairs, stat!
Just don't linger, I don't want her to eat you.
There she goes again.
I understood that one, you beastly old bag! If you do not cease and desist this babbling of yours, you'll find your shitter and your sagging nose on seperate ends of the hall soon! Mark my word!
Granny please be careful! I was thinking last night. Don't you think it an odd coincidence this gypsy came to live here right after the strange new orderly with the knife in his pants?
I think they mean to kill us while we sleep! It's the only explaination.
Mildred, what have I told you about thinking?
You said, please, don't.
Hey girls, did you see LaTwanda's replacement?
Anita Kensington. She seems quite British. The gypsy will love that.
I met her. Sweet as sugar. She'll not last long.
Oh my land! What is that mad woman up to now? Is that a toad in her hand?
Well! You are a clingbeetle too, miss nasty pants!
Hell. We are clearly in hell. We have all unknowingly died and been sentenced to live among the stupid and the gypsies.
Hershel said that Allegra said that Mr Hinkleshire said that ....
clingbeetle??
Well anyway, Hershel said that Allegra said that Mr Hinkleshire said that I could hang my rosary windchime right over my doorway.
So anyone that comes into my room will be blessed.
And that includes that old harpy spinster Iris. And Maybellina too, when she comes to steal my fruit cup.
Snivel.
Is this what sniffing shrunken heads will get you?
How much for a dime bag of that stuff?
IRIS!
You squatty bitch. How dare you speak of my Hershel like that.
Peter Pan my ass....
Maybe we all died and gone to hell, except Tilly the Shitter. Maybe she's the only one who's really alive right now.
Fancy that.
Good heavens, ladies! It is lovely to meet you all! I am so excited to be here! There is so much life wisdom within these hallowed walls! I cherish each and every one of you and how special you are!
I thought that perhaps we could start by compiling autobiographies of everyone at Willowbrooke... sweet Willowbrooke! Complete with a series of "Then" and "Now" pictures! I'm sure you were all quite *lookers* back in the day! And I'm sure you all have beautiful spouses and children! Even if your spouse has passed on, he is with Jesus and always in your heart!
Goody! We are going to have so much fun together!!
I also have a side business - I sell Mary Kay, and each week, I am going to have a drawing, and one of you lucky ladies is going to get a free FACIAL and all sorts of lotions, potions and cremes to make you young and beautiful again!
Thank you Mr. Hinkleshire, for giving me this WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY to work with this dynamic group of oldsters!!!
Ethel dear, you know all about cling beetles, Rodney tells me he removes two or three a week from that mass of mayonaise-white wrinkled skin also known as your ass.
I think Matt Drudge needs to know how many laws are being broken at this nursing home.
Oh GOODY! NURSING HOME FRAUD! Another award winning Drudge exclusive!
Oh, look... here's another one with her naughty bits hanging out. Cover up dear, you'll catch your death.
Hi JQ dear.
Be a good girl and make your bed.
Iris, for such a blind old bat, you can spot naught bits faster than Negro Rodney.
I do believe Iris had titty issues.
LB, will you please stop using George Bush as your photo ID? I am still harboring a grudge against that old man for giving his state of the nation mumbo jumbo during my soaps! Last thing I want to do now is look at his face again.
Oh for heaven's sake Rodney, get your hand out of your big black gang pants.
ihad couuurmming early adn a im druk now
ahhhhhhhhhhhahahahhahahaa
Wait till I tell Hinkleshire!
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