Iris and I slipped out again last night for a much needed repast. While we were out and about we had the most delicious idea! So we found a pet shop and bought an entire box of white mice. Early this morn, we slipped into Ethel's room as she slept and slipped the box of rodents beneath her bed. Iris estimates it will only take an hour or so for them to chew through the carrying container and spill out into Ethel's room.
We are eagerly awaiting her screams. Oh this is such fun!
On a darker note, after leaving the package in Ethel's room we slipped in quietly to finger's bedside. As she lay there snoring like a jackhammer, we tossed her bedside table. That is detective phrasing meaning we searched it. And to my horror we found a photo of a man. Not just any man. But the hairy knuckled gentleman I serviced. My only John. I do not know what this means but I am afraid it can't be good.
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27 comments:
I don't know what the fuss is about, all the negroes look the same you know - that can't possibly be the same negro that you blew, dear.
I mean really, what are the odds?
Is that your real hair, Conchetta?
Oh Mr. Hinkleshire, Concettea dropped her dinner plate, does she have toupee for it?
Maybe you could transplant some of your lip hair to your scalp, dear. Just a thought.
Now girls, I don't like all this nasty talk! Really Maybelline. And Iris. That was just DREADFUL, what you did to poor ETHEL!
Now. I want you to make up, kiss and big GROUP HUGS!
No way your uptight british bitch!
I am not hugging that CRONE!
What was that you just said Miss Iris? I didn't hear you dear! Speak up!
Uh, What time does Ethel get home????
Where the fuck is my dog.
Anita dear, let us be clear. Here at Willowbrooke we do not participate in group hugs. Nor do we appreciate the suggestion. You would do well not to interfere in our fun. Possibly they neglected to tell you but 2 of the young ladies who held your job previously disappeared. All the others ran screaming out the front doors and never came back. Do be careful.
And maybelline is eye winker make-up.
My name is Maebelle.
Iris,
sorry about all the sticky stuff on Dubbin's leg. He went in to visit Smilin' George and ....well ..... George has problems.
I will give Ethel a hug. I don't mind.
Do stop sucking up, Mildred. The girl will be gone long before you can get those petrified lips worked into a proper pucker.
Iris, I do believe fingers is attempting to give us a formidable case of acne.
Listen here crabcake, are you trying to tell me your dog raped my dog?
My son is gay and now your homo dog made my dog homo too.
Thanks. That's just marvelous!
I think she's confusing our faces for ethel's buttocks. Have you see that thing lately? Nurse Rottenbotch told me its covered with boils.
Iris, if it makes you feel better, it just ankle sex. And George told me Dubbin wanted it. Maybe he's been hangin with your son too long. You know monkey see, monkey do.
That would explain why she walks like a person who has just dismounted a pregnant mare. Perhaps Anita would be willing to pop those boils for her.
Girls! Girls! Have you heard? There are mice running up and down the halls. LB has climbed upon the desk at the nurses station and no one can get her back down until Rodney arrives. She's too large for the women to lift down, poor thing!
Yes anita dear, except for Rodney, the aides do seem to come and quickly go.
You don't have long toenails like La Twanda, do you? That was a sight to SEE.
Rodney, that silly old gimp Ruby Dean has mice smooshed in her walker. Allegra is looking for you again dear.
I can arrange that.
I'm so upset.
Who is in charge of this internet?
This post did not show up on my internet talk box until this morning. All of you people have been here speaking ill about me, without me.
What is Al Gore's phone number, I must call him and report this internet mess.
Oh, and here we thought you had gone on to meet Tilly the Shitter.
How sweet Iris, you were really missing me, huh?
Dorothy, haven't you heard? Snivel the Gypsy has gone missing! And two of our residents were found dead this morning. They suspect foul play.
Mildred, do stop being such a drama queen. Snivel is in the cafeteria smacking her gums on a plate of scrambled eggs.
John choked to death on a hand full of peanuts he had no business eating in bed!
LB, you are a mean old biddy.
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